"Finnegan!"

Before Kirk shouted “K-H-A-AAA-NNN!” he cried “FINN-E-GAAAN!”

Apparently, fighting is in the genes. Chris, if you ever read this, I know a SHITLOAD of Irish tunes. Whyncha pick one out to take home (um, note: “Finnegan’s Wake” not included in this offer until I’ve had a chance to brush up “..mmmph hmm hmm irishman mighty odd… hmm hmm tongue both rich and sweet”…) Thanks for the hilarious stories (well, I thought it was hilarious, but then I can match your tale of physical violence, except for the tale part), and, I’m a tiny, short man that you OR your brother could squash like a bug. So please pick on my east-coast colleague Ken instead.

CHAPTER ONE

“Last night, I dreamt that I beat the shit out of Mike Norton in front of the Lil’ Peach. This marks probably the 250th time I’ve had this particular dream.”

CHAPTER TWO

“When we last left our story, Mike Norton was motioning for me to leave the safety of Lil’ Peach in order to receive what would probably be a thorough pummeling.”

CHAPTER THREE

“I walked outside and stood on the sidewalk in front of Mike Norton’s pick up truck. What followed was a classic game of ‘questions’, as popularized in Tom Stoppard’s masterpiece Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.”

CHAPTER FOUR

“‘We’re fucked.’

Watching the truck back across the parking lot, it was all I could think to say.”

POSTSCRIPT

Too brief to excerpt.

A miscellany

Well, the Wallstreet’s T-board came in, and I performed the requisite surgery. I swapped the drives, as promised, and Bellerophon boots properly. However, the duped OSX boot drive is not behaving as it should, and the T-board does not appear to have solved the invisible battery problem – so more fiddlage to come next week, pursuant to rule #2:

No hardware projects allowed during weekends!

After I work everything through I’ll post surgery shots. Drive space is the original issue that led me to this pass,

And, I’m trying out blogrolling.com as a linkmanager; it’s pretty slick. Unfortunately, it works via embedded javascripts, which creates refresh problems on my browser, what about yours?

…And tomorrow is the Fremont Solstice Parade and art car fiesta!

Here’s a route map. Apparently there’s some sort of pageant at Gas Works this year as well.

The Pirate Hunter

zacks.jpg The Pirate Hunter: The True Story of Capatin Kidd by Robert Zacks. ISBN: 0786865334.

Zacks is also the author of “An Underground Education”, kind of contrarian trivia book that I had read and pretty much forgotten about – one of those mind-candy trivia books that includes details about inessential but interesting bits of historical trivia such as the role that Edison’s dirty marketing played in establishing electrocution as a means of capital punishment. The subtext to that book, in line with my extant belief systems, is that the powerful and wealthy play dirty and for keeps. (So do the rest of us, but when you’re powerful or wealthy such behavior inevitably kills people – the rest of us don’t always murder, just frequently.)

“The Pirate Hunter” continues this theme. Zacks paints a picture of William Kidd that is unmistakably sympathetic. Kidd, a Scot who settled in early New York and distinguished himself in a naval militia of sorts during a conflict in the Caribbean defending British colonial interests, had parlayed that success into a career as a well-to-do merchant in New York City. He’d married the most beautiful girl in town, helped in the construction of the original Trinity Church building at Wall and Broadway (yes, that church, although the building presently on site was built in the 1850s), and generally had made an important man of himself.

Alas for him, the sea and danger called, and he shipped out to London with some idea of obtaining a Royal Navy Captain’s commission in order to fight the dirty French on the bounding main. At that time, however (the 1690s), you had to be a member of the nobility to be an officer in the British military, so he struck out.

A shady acquaintance from NYC, who had connections to influential members of the King’s court, hooked up with Kidd, and concocted a scheme whereby Kidd would be granted an unconventional privateer’s license to pursue pirates. A privateer was a means of inexpensively extending a nation’s military power – something like a bounty hunter. Privateers were granted licenses that allowed them to act as agents of military interdiction against specific nationalities, in time of war, or pirates, in time of peace. These licenses generally required the privateers to capture the target and then immediately turn the prize over to the justice system of the day, where the captured goods would be parceled out to interested parties, including, in the case of piracy, the original owners of the pirated goods.

Kidd’s license, however, was distinct from the run-of-the-mill licenses in that it was backed directly by the King, rather than by the Navy, a colonial government, or a colonial corporation such as the East india Company. The theoretical advantage was that the goods which Kidd seized did not have to be turned over to the appropriate system of adjudication but were regarded as under the direct control of His Majesty, King William. Given that state of affairs, the King could then assign the goods directly to the backers of the mission.

The license turned Kidd into the equivalent of our contemporary drug-interdiction units, who are empowered to confiscate and impound property in association with drug-seizures whether or not there is a conviction in the case. Kidd’s backers stood to profit in direct proportion to the success of the pirates caught.

However, things did not go as planned. Kidd had ill luck finding legitimate prizes, and his penurious backers had refused to allow him to pay wages to his crew, insisting instead that they could only be paid from proceeds of the voyage – much like pirate practice, in fact. With this restriction in place, Kidd had a tough time getting any crew but former pirates, and as soon as it was apparent the mission was in trouble, the crew began to agitate to turn pirate.

Kidd apparently resisted this strongly, and at one point in the voyage, most of his crew left in order to pursue piracy, with greater succes than Kidd had at privateering. In the end, Kidd took two ships under the rules of his license, but because of a number of unfortunate events, he’d already become the poster boy for notorious piracy on the high seas – not the least of these was the fact that Kidd’s royally-derived grant had become known in Parlaiment and was seized upon as a means of weaking the royalist party.

In the end, of course, it was in the political interests of the King and colonial powers to make a great example of this man, whose legend, even before his death, had made his name synonymous with black-hearted teachery and greedy adventure. In the end he was hung, and his body was placed in an iron cage at the edge of the Thames, and left on display for nearly 100 years, as a lesson to those who would turn against the Crown, and now, as a lesson to those who would deal with merciless and corrupt forces that far outweigh them.

This is the best pirate history book I have ever read. Zack’s detailed research and clear, unornamented writing allow the complex story to emerge clearly. One gets a distinct sense of the fascination and joy with which Zacks waded through the crabbed, blurred handwriting of his primary source material; as his immersion in the documents increased, his ability to discern, or project, personality into the inky traces left by our ancestors increased, and I came away from the book with a vivid sense of the personalities of many of the players in the book. Zack’s dry, ironic wit helped him, as well, to isolate details which throw his story into relief; and in the book’s closing scenes, as William Kidd is brought to the gallows through the teeming, stinking streets of a Londaon execution day festival, he brings life to his grotesques via vivid, echoing sensory description that brough to mind Borges, Hogarth, and Breughel.

An excellent, satisfying read. Arr!

um. Vacation Week postponed.

Due to the recent critical information concerning the identity of Deep Throat, my previously scheduled coverage of our trip to California has been delayed. I really want to get to this, both so I can write about it while it’s fresh and because I want to finally write my “Pirates of the Caribbean” essay – It’s Walt’s last word, his valediction, and the news wasn’t good. Lucky for us, it’s a great work of art as well as a kooky summer thrill.

In miscellaneous other news, I just heard from Eric White, who has several pages of Walking Ruins videos online, and I will be heading into a major server upgrade soon.

The server upgrade will entail changing the Wallstreet’s “T-board”, a two-part component which is responsible for getting charge power to the battery, and swapping the current 10-gig internal drive for a 40-gig drive while mounting the 10-gig in an expansion-bay case.

Once I have that under control I’ll get to learn about the wild and woolly world of OSX drive duplication utilities via hard experience. An unfortunate characteristic of OSX is that GUI-level copies of mounted volumes may not duplicate all the dtat on the volume, a consequence of unix-style user management and permissions, and inversely, tarring volumes may not preserve old-style Mac metadata.

Thus, backup under OSX has remained an evolving practice.

I may or may not temporarily migrate my site content to my desktop machine (Socrates; the Wallstreet server is Bellerophon) and employ it to serve the material in the meantime – I don’t recall how far out of synch the two configurations are, but I doubt, for example, my gallery server at pix.whybark.com or the extended features of Movable Type will be enabled on Socrates.

(I saw that Ben and Mena, Movable Type’s developers, were asking for beta testers on mySQL integration, which I look forward to with anticipation!)

I believe my first stop for volume duplication will be Carbon Copy Cloner, discussed here on Mac OS X Hints. There was a roundup on backup for OSX on TidBITS recently, but their site search is down at the moment so no cite here.

Sources reveal KG-DT defense in the works

NEWS FLASH!!!

An anonymous source high within the executive hierarchy of the “least grating” of the NYC/NJ blogs, Ken Goldstein’s Illuminated Donkey, has revealed to mike.whybark.com that Mr. Goldstein (or “Kenny-Boy” as he would be known to President Bush if they ever meet) is hard at work defending his claim to be Deep Throat as covered here yesterday.

Our source, while requesting anonymity, is of the highest caliber, and, indeed, one might even say that the source is unimpeachable.

When pressed to explain the shocking role that fellatio appears to have played in both the serious and troubling events of Watergate and the frenzy of sexual condemnation that nearly wrecked the Republican party before it was saved by a judical coup, our source looked up at the concrete beams of the parking garage and ignored the question.

Former President Clinton, probably somewhere in New York State, did not answer questions asked concerning this matter by your faithful correspondent at mike.whybark.com.

Former Nixonian Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, wanted for questioning by human rights tribunals for his role in the murderous 1973 Chilean coup led by General Augusto Pinochet, also did not respond, no matter how loudly we repeated our queries.

Also emerging at press time were ties between Robert Redford, featured as a news reporter in the events that brought down President Nixon, and fictional bandits Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Further developments in this line of investigation include the heretofore unexplained role of Mark Twain in the publication and promulgation of the original Watergate investigations.

Worthy of note in this line of thought is Twain’s “Mysterious Stranger”, in which a Deep-Throat-like figure provides Twain with information concerning the world’s ills, and in the end is strongly implied to be the Prince of Darkness.

Mr. Goldstein’s curious agelessness remains unexplained.

UPDATE: the briefly-rumored public statement has been released, including Mr Goldstein’s revelation that he may also be Joe Friday and that he has an “upcoming e-book, available exclusively through Salon’s Deep Throat imprint” – which validates rumors we’ve been hearing at mike.whybark.com for months concerning Salon.com’s imminent move into web porn.

Mr. Goldstein, in a private email again, also pointed out that if we’re looking into the Robert Redford-Mark Twain connection to Watergate, we’d be remiss in not noting the admitted involvement of WNYX lovable bigshot Jimmy James, who has repeatedly admitted to being Deep Throat, as well as having been D. B. Cooper.

Does this then indicate that Mr Goldstein may also come under suspicion of in fact being Stephen Root or perhaps Milton from Office Space?

Only time will tell. Guzzizah, my brothers.

P.S. the site “NewsRadio and the Comedic Art” is, well, pretty dense.

DT: KG – NJ blogger comes clean, admits all

nixon_ken.jpg
In a startling development to the evergreen “Who was Deep Throat” mystery, veteran blogger and beloved trencherman Ken Goldstein, of Jersey City, New Jersey, admitted to this writer in a personal email that he was in fact Deep Throat, the secret inside source that catapulted cub reporters Bob Woodward and Robert Redford to national prominence in the mid-seventies Hal Holbrook vehicle, “All the President’s Men”.

“Okay! Enough already! It was me, I admit it, ME! GOD, it feels good to get that off my chest!” typed the possibly intoxicated 30-year-old copywriter and technical writer in an email exchange concerning the various candidates-du-saison that are currently being flacked in such moneygrubbing endeavors as the University of Illinois three-year journalism class project which fingered Pat Buchanan, or John Dean’s latest impeccably objective investigation in to the who, what, where, when, and why of Watergate.

The perpetually 30-year-old blogger, seen here in an undated file photo on Nixon’s epochal China visit, refused to comment upon speculations that his agelessness is the result of either bathing in the blood of virgins or his preference for Air Jordans on the court.

A random youth, accosted in the street near my apartment, characterized “All the President’s Men” as “boring” and wanted to know why the character of the President had not at least pursued personal sexual gratification instead of shredding the constitution in the name of national security. He then speculated on what sort of “action” President Bush might be “getting”, assuring me that he had great faith in the current President’s ability to learn from his predecessors.

It is of interest to note that fellatio, in name or in deed, appears to have had a profound effect on the course of late 20th-century United States Presidental politics.

Mr. Throat could not be reached for comment.

Laguna Beach drawing

laguna_drawing.jpg

This is the view of the headlands at north end of Laguna Beach, specifically Main Beach; I drew this on May 27th of this year. I believe this opens Vacation Week here at mike.whybark.com, where I’ll try to write about things that I did while we were in Southern California.

New Webley CD: Counterpoint

counterpoint.jpg I finally was able to lay hands on a copy of Jason Webley’s new CD Friday night. There are twelve songs, and it’s called “Counterpoint”. Word is that time’s been too short for comprehensive site updates chez Webley, so here’s a scan of the cover, and the songlist:

Southern Cross

Broken Cup

Quite Contrary

Then

It’s Not Time to Go Yet

The Graveyard

Northern Lights

Drinking Song

Counterpart

Now

Goodbye Forever Once Again

Train Tracks

You can order the CD here via paypal.

I’m still listening to it and will write more about it when the time is ripe. I was very happy to see that Train Tracks is on this record. The interior cover of the CD is fairly elaborate with linocuts by Jason which were reproduced on a large scale at the CD release party.

My wife remarks that she wants to hear a recorded version of the song which includes the line “I am not your lover, I’m the map you use to find her”, which appears to be too recent a song to have made it onto the record. I wonder if Baby Bok Choy recorded the CD release show, and if that song was performed there?

The show in Olympia was quite enjoyable, and was sort of the usual Jason solo deal: a few guitar numbers, a few accordian numbers, then a big audience piling, singing, into the street to find a parking garage.

I always enjoy visting Olywa; it reminds me of Bloomington, my hometown, but has a larger downtown area. After seeing Jason, we strolled down the street o a bar called “Charlie’s”, where good pal Chuck Swaim was doing karaoke with a bunch of his buddies. He looked great, sounded great, and it made me very happy to see him, rocked in the bosom of his community.

Here’s links to Chuck’s old magazine, “the Arm’s Extent“, and to more current stuff of Chuck’s here.

Deep Throat: Pat Buchanan?

via Romenesko’s freakin’ indispensable Obscure Store this very long story at Spike covering the process, evidence, and results for a three-year investigation conducted by University of Illinois journalism students into the identity of Deep Throat, the secret source for Woodward and Berstein’s epochal Watergate coverage.

the June 14 Dateline NBC will apparently be devoted to the story.

After reading the whole thing, I wanted more clarity concerning why the investigators selected Buchanan rather than others mentioned as possible candidates (the story mentions seven in total).

Who do you finger? Groundless speculation encouraged!