An anonymous source high within the executive hierarchy of the “least grating” of the NYC/NJ blogs, Ken Goldstein’s Illuminated Donkey, has revealed to that Mr. Goldstein (or “Kenny-Boy” as he would be known to President Bush if they ever meet) is hard at work defending his claim to be Deep Throat as covered here yesterday.

Our source, while requesting anonymity, is of the highest caliber, and, indeed, one might even say that the source is unimpeachable.

When pressed to explain the shocking role that fellatio appears to have played in both the serious and troubling events of Watergate and the frenzy of sexual condemnation that nearly wrecked the Republican party before it was saved by a judical coup, our source looked up at the concrete beams of the parking garage and ignored the question.

Former President Clinton, probably somewhere in New York State, did not answer questions asked concerning this matter by your faithful correspondent at

Former Nixonian Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, wanted for questioning by human rights tribunals for his role in the murderous 1973 Chilean coup led by General Augusto Pinochet, also did not respond, no matter how loudly we repeated our queries.

Also emerging at press time were ties between Robert Redford, featured as a news reporter in the events that brought down President Nixon, and fictional bandits Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Further developments in this line of investigation include the heretofore unexplained role of Mark Twain in the publication and promulgation of the original Watergate investigations.

Worthy of note in this line of thought is Twain’s “Mysterious Stranger”, in which a Deep-Throat-like figure provides Twain with information concerning the world’s ills, and in the end is strongly implied to be the Prince of Darkness.

Mr. Goldstein’s curious agelessness remains unexplained.

UPDATE: the briefly-rumored public statement has been released, including Mr Goldstein’s revelation that he may also be Joe Friday and that he has an “upcoming e-book, available exclusively through Salon’s Deep Throat imprint” – which validates rumors we’ve been hearing at for months concerning’s imminent move into web porn.

Mr. Goldstein, in a private email again, also pointed out that if we’re looking into the Robert Redford-Mark Twain connection to Watergate, we’d be remiss in not noting the admitted involvement of WNYX lovable bigshot Jimmy James, who has repeatedly admitted to being Deep Throat, as well as having been D. B. Cooper.

Does this then indicate that Mr Goldstein may also come under suspicion of in fact being Stephen Root or perhaps Milton from Office Space?

Only time will tell. Guzzizah, my brothers.

P.S. the site “NewsRadio and the Comedic Art” is, well, pretty dense.

2 thoughts on “Sources reveal KG-DT defense in the works

  1. 1) “Mr. Goldstein, in a private email again…” Um…Mike…WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DEFINITION OF PRIVATE?

    2) “or “Kenny-Boy” as he would be known to President Bush if they ever met…”

    “If” Michael? “If?” Oh, you poor, naive bastard…

  2. private: the lowest rank in the Army.

    Ooh, mr secret source forgot to say “triple on background with cherries on top” didn’t he? DIDN’T HE?

    no takebacks, nope!

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