ken goldskee: yourn, this week garnered a comment I thought worthy of promotion, from one “Buck Wooley”, a skee-baller (see below) of great repute (bolds and italics mine):

Dear Sir, I understand that you felt the need to profess your love of Ken Goldstein with a sincere description of his character. But as another admirer of “the steen”, I feel compelled to show you the error of your ways.

Ken Goldstein is a proud gallant hero of words and wisdom. A godly figure dressed in golden suede bell bottoms & ray bans.

Why? Why attempt to tarnish the reputation of the suave Ken Goldstein w/ such cardigan-wearing, easily-intimidated, pale-dry-boy falsities?

To which I can only say, woah! Hey, now, FOKG (see below), I’m not pickin’ on nobuddy heah! I bow to no one in my admiration of the dashing figure Mr. Goldstein cuts!

Now, as far as Ken and falsies go, well, I can’t possibly discuss that.

Also: “golden suede bell bottoms & ray bans” ? Um, was there a party I didn’t get to because of my enhanced geezerness?

Yeesh! Ima put on my favorite cardigan now!
—

FOKG = Friends of Ken Goldstein.

While the sages don’t clearly record how skilled a skee-baller Buck Wooley was, skee-ball fans from every corner of this great nation of ours have inundated me in deluge of Telex flimsies, singing telegrams, and whispering campaigns in an effort to correct my oversight: Mr. Wooley was, in fact, a sportswriter, and not a skee-ball pro. My oversight, and I thank the legions of Wooleyheads out there for your gentle corrective action.

Ken has published a helpful guide to The Illuminated Donkey which makes reference to the infamous issue #15. Sought after by collectors due to it’s careful documentation of the history of Philadelphia’s Museum of Skin Ailments (and the relationship of said museum to LA’s Museum of Jurassic Technology) as well as previously unpublished photos of Marilyn Monroe, #15 also reprinted a comic strip of mine, “The Unexpected Beret“, in the back of the book.

Since I have a personal perpective on this, and because (following my recent prose experiment in last week’s KG of the Week) Mr. Goldstein (aka “Kenny”, or “Goldy”, to the boys in the deli) inadvertently dubbed the KG of the Week “MW of the Week”, that’s what we have here today.

This was prior to my introduction as a regular “sidekick” character (Chalky White to Mr. Goldstein’s Rusty Brown, for you digilliterati out there), and the second appearance of me as a character in the continuing saga of The Donk. However, as the author of the story, I must stress that the character of Ike Whattree is merely self-caricature, and although accurately identified in the Guide as having had his handlebar moustache removed by bootleggers of the issue (see accompanying illo) after it’s collectable value became apparent, does not apear under my name in the context of the issue at all.

An additional point on this matter: although I certainly gave Mr. Goldstein (“Steen”, to those in the know) verbal permission to publish The Unexpected Beret in his book, the details of compensation were, unfortunately for me, left for later discussion.

To date, said compensation has included:

• One Fisher Space Pen, in package
• a WWF collectors card of Andre the Giant
• a postcard featuring the splashdown and recovery of Apollo 13
• and a tee shirt from the Deke Slayton Memorial Space and Bike Museum, of Sparta, Wisconsin

but no monetary compensation of any sort, despite the astounding amounts that suspiciously fresh, yet apparently non-counterfeit, copies of issue #15 regularly bring on eBay.

Despite this, I’d like to publicly disavow any rumors of a dispute or acrimony between Mr. Goldstein, his publishers and myself. Allegations of such a dispute – now or ever – are as baseless as allegations of my own involvement in the production of the counterfeit #15. Absolutely baseless, with no grounding in reality whatsoever.

Ken is a husky fellow, who is actually physically larger than I believe he thinks himself – strapping, one might say. Yet he’s generally somewhat retiring in demeanor, although quite capable of outbursts given the proper stimulus.

He’s neither slender nor plump, yet his huskiness is not particularly of the athletic variety. He is somewhat self-conscious about his weight.

He has ginger hair, with a curl, which he keeps in a conventional short brush-back style; he wears oval glasses which are small enough to be in style yet not so small nor made of some outlandish material as to in some way mark him as artsy or high-falutin’. He has a strong appreciation for british media humor, and a similar interest in baseball, and, apparently, skee-ball. His eyes are brown, and slightly tilted, in toward the the center of his face. This tilt may actually be a result of his generally good-humored expression, which is also a result of his typical attitude.

His skin tone is fairly pale, with pale freckles. It has been prone to an uncomfortable dryness which he has remedied in a way which shall not be described here. Suffice to say it was both unconventional and harmless and inoffensive enough that it could be practiced in public.

His clothing tastes, again, are not sufficiently demanding of immediate note as to create an uncomfortable self-awareness for the wearer, yet they betray many of his tastes and fascinations. For instance, Ken possesses an assortment of both sweater vests and cardigans. These items of clothing are of course favored by the British clay animation character Wallace, of “Wallace and Grommit”. Ken won first prize for best costume at a Halloween party in Seattle while attired as Wallace and Grommit.

Steve Buscemi’s character in “Ghost World” favored cardigans; his wardrobe was based at least in part upon the wardrobe of “Ghost World” author Dan Clowes. Ken, of course, has a long standing appreciation for the work of Mr. Clowes, as well.

He owns, and will don in cold weather, an Arsenal team supporters’ scarf. Typically, this is worn with a blue flannel anorak, the kind of hooded winter coat that features rope-and-tapered oak dowel fasteners. Jason Alexander wore a coat like this in several appearances on the television sitcom “Seinfeld”.

Ken also has an interest in matters of fortune; which is to say, he knows what the inside of a casino looks like. He favors his interest in gambling as a dash of spice to his personality – it’s his leather jacket, if you will.

As he himself has let us know, he is very nice. He can be quite retiring, and is prone to intimidation. He has a surprising streak of adventurousness. One way this adventurousness expresses itself is via Ken’s relationships with others more brassy and noticeably bold than he.