As we finished expunging typos from the previous entry, the preternaturally cheery Mr. Goldstein telephoned with an update, barely understandable due to spotty cell-phone reception.
Listening hard through the static, we made out the following phrases:
“I’m in my room it’s dark.”
“I had to use my cell phone as a light to walk down the hall.”
“One or two buildings across the street seem to have power.”
“It’s dark.”
Then, the phone went dead.
Roving reporter and East Coast Whybark California Gubernatorial Campaign Chairman Ken Goldstein was reached via newfangled wireless telecommunications device and filed this eyewitness report on the largest electrical blackout in history:
“The area I am in – It was sort of amusing to me at least – I actually left work early for a dentist appointment.” Goldstein recounts. He’d left work early. “I was at the dentist until 4, the blackout came at 4:10. I got in to my car and put in a tape, and didn’t realize anything was wrong until 5:10. There were traffic lights out, but I didn’t think ‘oh, the whole eastern seaboard is out.’”
“I turned on the radio and heard static,” he says, “But I just thought it was just a problem with the transmitter.”
Goldstein left the city without incident and made his way to Central New Jersey, where he stayed for a period of time. “Central NJ has power, so I was hanging around there with some people I know,” he notes, speaking from his car. “Right now I’m gonna head back to my place, which could be a problem, because I live right near the Holland Tunnel, and they had announced they were going to close the Tunnel.”
As he spoke, he noticed a sports stadium that was illuminated. “I’m passing by the minor league stadium for the Somerset Patriots – and the stadium lights are on! The crowd is pretty sparse.” Pausing, Goldstein continued, “Life appears in this area to be – ah – going on as per normal.”
The deceptively youthful-appearing copywriter had heard that “NJ Transit has sent every available bus into the city. I dunno how they are going to get back into the city. NJ Transit just stopped the trains, at the next station, so there’s a lot of people probably just standin’ around.” Again pausing for a moment, he continued, “I was gonna say, I should probably just swing by and see if someone needs a ride in towards New York.”
Asked about circumstances in the city itself, Goldstein reports, “Manhattan is – is – well, you can imagine. It’s just massive amounts of people with the vehicles tryin’ to get somewhere else. I mean, I saw some pictures of the crowd.”
Continuing, he then provided a layman’s explanation of the breakdown: “When that power plant went, all the energy went on down the line, like a circuit breaker.”
“People are golfing on the golf range,” he observed, passing the establishment. “In my area, I appear to be very fortunate. I haven’t heard any wild stories or rumors or anything interesting. You also have to remember the area I was in, it really hasn’t hit. Hopefully Jersey City is not affected.”
“I’m not gonna make a great on the scene reporter,” Goldstein concluded, “because I’m not really on the scene. It’s kind of like being in the middle of a massive power failure, except the lights are on and everyone is going about their business.
But my dental work went well.”
Mr. Goldstein may call in further updates as the situation progresses.
Power Outages Reported Along East Coast
Power Outages Reported Along East Coast
By THE NEW YORK TIMES
Power outages were reported today throughout the Northeast. Blackouts were reported north to Toronto, south to Maryland and west to Cleveland, Detroit and Toledo.
Guess it’s New York’s turn! I tried calling Ken but the lines are all busy. Also: DETROIT?! Geez.
I’d like to take this opportunity to note that as Governor of California, no further giant blackouts of the Eastern Seaboard would be permitted, as I would incorporate legislation against them in my state vehicular procurement requirements.
Today, in order to properly demonstrate my commitment to the candidcacy for the Governorship of California, I awakened hurriedly, twisted in the sheets, in danger of missing my bus to the University District for a press screening of the Claude Lelouch film, “And Now Ladies and Gentlemen” starring Jeremy Irons and Patricia Kaas.
Fortunately, I made it to the theater a cool twenty minutes ahead of the noon showing. Since it’s for a review to be published later and elsewhere, modesty forbids me to reveal my opinion in any meaning ful way – a discipline I find useful in my campaign appearances.
The film is bilingual, roughly equally in French and English, and the characters and actors slip in between the languages with the ease and grace of parters sliping in between the sheets in old-fashioned French sex farces.
This is the second film in a few weeks that Tablet’s sent me to that features a heavy use of French, and it’s proving to be plumb good for my French language muscle – I leave the theater thinking in French, itching to speak it again.
On my second campaign appearance, I attended the Tablet staff meeting in Belltown ad met many of my fellow contributors, finding, unsurprisingly, that many shared acquaintances already link us. Notable among these shared acquaintances was Olympia, Washington’s beloved Chuck Swaim. All in all it was a pleasant get together and it was nice to put faces to names.