Roving reporter and East Coast Whybark California Gubernatorial Campaign Chairman Ken Goldstein was reached via newfangled wireless telecommunications device and filed this eyewitness report on the largest electrical blackout in history:

“The area I am in – It was sort of amusing to me at least – I actually left work early for a dentist appointment.” Goldstein recounts. He’d left work early. “I was at the dentist until 4, the blackout came at 4:10. I got in to my car and put in a tape, and didn’t realize anything was wrong until 5:10. There were traffic lights out, but I didn’t think ‘oh, the whole eastern seaboard is out.’”

“I turned on the radio and heard static,” he says, “But I just thought it was just a problem with the transmitter.”

Goldstein left the city without incident and made his way to Central New Jersey, where he stayed for a period of time. “Central NJ has power, so I was hanging around there with some people I know,” he notes, speaking from his car. “Right now I’m gonna head back to my place, which could be a problem, because I live right near the Holland Tunnel, and they had announced they were going to close the Tunnel.”

As he spoke, he noticed a sports stadium that was illuminated. “I’m passing by the minor league stadium for the Somerset Patriots – and the stadium lights are on! The crowd is pretty sparse.” Pausing, Goldstein continued, “Life appears in this area to be – ah – going on as per normal.”

The deceptively youthful-appearing copywriter had heard that “NJ Transit has sent every available bus into the city. I dunno how they are going to get back into the city. NJ Transit just stopped the trains, at the next station, so there’s a lot of people probably just standin’ around.” Again pausing for a moment, he continued, “I was gonna say, I should probably just swing by and see if someone needs a ride in towards New York.”

Asked about circumstances in the city itself, Goldstein reports, “Manhattan is – is – well, you can imagine. It’s just massive amounts of people with the vehicles tryin’ to get somewhere else. I mean, I saw some pictures of the crowd.”

Continuing, he then provided a layman’s explanation of the breakdown: “When that power plant went, all the energy went on down the line, like a circuit breaker.”

“People are golfing on the golf range,” he observed, passing the establishment. “In my area, I appear to be very fortunate. I haven’t heard any wild stories or rumors or anything interesting. You also have to remember the area I was in, it really hasn’t hit. Hopefully Jersey City is not affected.”

“I’m not gonna make a great on the scene reporter,” Goldstein concluded, “because I’m not really on the scene. It’s kind of like being in the middle of a massive power failure, except the lights are on and everyone is going about their business.

But my dental work went well.”

Mr. Goldstein may call in further updates as the situation progresses.