Posted on by mwhybark

Regarding that deal memo

To: Britney Alexander, Acquisitions, BTVP
From: Mike Whybark
RE: Kensapoppin’

Dear Britney:

Thank you for your recent missive concerning your forthcoming effort, “Kenny, Big & Tall.” While we understand your disappointment at the MOW status for the project (quite a step down from the two-part, twelve-hour HBO MS we were discussing in Vegas), the projected demography for the piece makes it a nice fit with UPN, and heartily wish you the success that all of us in the entertainment industry associate with the top-quality products associated with everyone’s favorite netlet.

Furthermore, we extend our congratulations and condolences on your recent marriage and annulment. What with the deal memos coming so thick and fast this New Year in Las Vegas, we can easily understand that you anticipated casting your ex-husband in the role of Mr. Goldstein, an idea which, we must note, was expressed to you in an informal casting guidance note prior to the temporary alteration in your relationship to Mr. Alexander.

What a shock and disappointment it must have been to you when it became apparent that the Mr. Alexander of your childhood acquaintance, while Tall and we can only presume, commensurate with his status as a gridiron expert, Big, is neither the former star of Seinfeld and The Producers nor a Tony Award winning Broadway performer. We extend our deepest, most heartfelt sympathies, which only intensified when we learned of the contractual obligation between Bigshot Television and Mr. Alexander regarding “Kenny, Big & Tall.”

In spite of our sympathies, however, we have grave concerns about the employment of the Ken Goldstein brand in conjunction with Mr. Alexander, especially in the context of the scripts we’ve seen for “Kenny, Big & Tall.” While, as noted, we have only the best wishes for your production, we must insist that any attempt to represent “Kenny, Big & Tall” as an endorsed endeavor, or to incorporate the name or likeness of Ken Goldstein or The Illuminated Donkey or The Ken Goldstein Project into the shooting script, marketing materials, story line, resultant publicity, ancillary promotional products, keychains, tee-shirts, coffee mugs, children’s plush sculpted backpacks, bobbleheads, chewing gum, potato chips or other fast-food ad snack packaging, museum exhibitions, commemorative magazine releases, DVD packaging or on-disc trailers, automotive limited editions, commemorative ceramic plates, wristwatches, production prospectus materials or any other materials unspecified in this informal letter will be met by immediate and forceful legal action. We will demonstrate our exclusive rights to the aforementioned brands and materials and our dependent interest in assuring that we maintain creative and approval control over any media appearances or derivational properties.

To that end, please relay an updated shooting script that effaces the infringing materials as soon as is convenient and please include a cover letter that enumerates any promotional communications or production materials embargoed by our request. It is not our intent to impede your production in any way, and trust that in order to meet your deadlines you will comply with all due promptness.

Best,
Mike Whybark
The Ken Goldstein Project
cc: KG, JD, ES, VP, MG, JA, GD

Posted on by mwhybark

Jumpin' Jack Frost

I strolled about in the snow on the Hill, camera in hand, from about 11:30 until 1:30.

Pike_Street_montage_010604.jpg

I noticed that they had a couple el cheapo mandolins at Capitol Hill Loans, and taught the guy who worked there how to tune ’em. One sounded good, one sounded bad.

Then, my fingers burning with cold, I thought a nice Guinness at Kincora’s in front of their fire would hit the spot. On my way I peeped in the window of Aurafice to see if Joe or Odin was working – alas, no. It was Paige the first time and then Ally, a few minutes later. I stuck my nose in Bill’s to see if Tod was there, but apparently he was still at work.

When I made it down to Kincora’s I looked in the window, saw the fire, and looked in the window for a second to see if I knew anyone. I didn’t, so I paused to think about it for a minute.

A middle-aged woman with full, graying long hair and no makeup wearing a jean-jacket and a girls’ long-underwear top came hurrying out and addressed me with familiarity. “Why there’s a good lookin’ guy standin’ out here in the snow!”

In puzzlement I looked around, and then at her; I hadn’t ever seen her before in my life. She was addressing me. I made polite noises. “Sure is snowing,” I said, though it had pretty well tapered off.

“Well, it ain’t snowing as hard as it had been,” she observed.

I turned to go.

She rapidly took a step up to me and said with a nudge, “So, buy me a drink?”

I blinked in surprise and didn’t know what to say. I’d pretty much made up my mind not to go in before she came out. Into my pause she said, coquettishly, “I got something for you…”

I laughed nervously and said, “Uh, well, that’s very kind of you, but not today,” using my standard panhandler dodge. I beat a hasty retreat back up the hill, leaving her muttering by the door to the bar.

I still wanted a Guinness, so I doubled back over to see if Clever Dunne’s was open. As I descended Denny Way toward the overpass, I heard and saw a small crowd of people cheering and shouting at the intersection of Denny and Olive.

The steep slope of Denny was closed to traffic and had been transformed into a sled and snowboard hill. A young man with a shovel was helpfully moving snow into t he center of the run. Another man at the base of the hill directed traffic as cars nosed up the overpass. Snowball snipers appeared on the roof of an adjacent apartment building and pelted the sliders. A yellow dog chased a couple in a garbage bag, barking. Black-denim-clad Crass punks rode a shiny tin snowshovel.

A slender, well-dressed man with close-cropped grey hair rode someone’s skateboard deck without wheels, laughing. A black-haired hipster, his pea coat caked with snow, ducked my camera; his pal, in absurd and hairy poncho, took a pratfall. As I left, a young man appeared with the upper half of a hardshell Fender Tolex guitar case; running, he bellyflopped down the street.

My toes grew cold, and I retired from the field.

9thstreetgarage_montage_01.jpg
Posted on by mwhybark

checking in on the Stevenote

Five-part iLife (iLife 04), $49, release Jan. 16. Not sure what the parts are. Steve refers to Garageband, the rumored music-prooduction tool.

Addons include a $99 music keyboard – Apple branded? Uncertain from listening.

Shit! I wanna go out in the snow, but I want to know what the ‘one more thing’; is gonna be! Mini-Pods? Good marketing theme add-on to Garageband.

Hm, what else – the rumor about Safari update release doesn’t appear to be confirmed in my Software Update window.

No update yet to http://www.apple.com/ilife; no URL at http://www.apple.com/garageband yet (10:50 am).

Cheryl Crow, Elijah Wood in iLife video.

Back to Steve; reviewing iPod success. First in unit sales, first in revenue in portable player category. 10 gb -> 15 gb same price ($299). In-ear headphones, $39. Last thing on the iPod (oh yeah, Steve?) is: a new ad.

Steve continuing iPod theme, looking at non-Apple share of the market: dominated by flash-based players. The rest is other HD-based players ‘that we are in the process of eliminating with the iPod’ (audience laughs).

Announcement: the iPod Mini, 4gb. 100 song storage. 1/2″ inch think. $249. OUCH. Good product comparison to category, though; $169-200 for under a gig in the category. “Size of a business card.” iPod UI. Solid state scroll wheel. FW and USB 2, both chargeable. Cables, belt-clip included. Accessories available: a dock and an armband. Looks like a backlit LCD screen.

Does iPod UI mean the contact and scheduling stuff is included?

“Just one more thing about the iPod Mini, it comes in colors.” Whoop-de-doo.

Ships February in the US and April worldwide.

Still talking!

OSX transition is officially over. Reviewing points in presentation.

The REAL One Last Thing:

Give Apple people a hand. Audience does. And that’s it.

Hmmmmm.

$49 for iLife with updated versions PLUS GarageBand? Is that it? If so, I’m sold and I will be picking that up, as I’ve been in the market for a multitrack recording solution; OTOH if GarageBand is to SoundTrack as iDVD is to DVD Studio Pro, mmm, maybe not: I need the app to support 8-in realtime feeds, just like an 8-track digital recording device.

Hate the price point on the MiniPod. Love everything else. 4gb is perfectly acceptable. Is it a bootable device?

I’m headed snow-ward!

Posted on by mwhybark

mo' sno'

It’s dumping!

Made it down to the courthouse to find that the courts were closed! I walked home through the low-visibility snowstorm – windless, thankfully. It’s an hour later and the snow is still coming down.

I’m going to go back out and shoot for a bit. The silence of the city is interesting, no-one honking, the sidewalks featuring a good number of trudgers.

I spoke with a hardy bicyclist who reported watching an 18-wheeler slide down Yesler sideways. Yesler is a very steep street downtown near the Courthouse.

Posted on by mwhybark

more on RURD

Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: William Vollmann’s Rising Up and Rising Down, an oral history.

After reading this, I am antsy for the book to get here.

Ken mentioned that he’d heard Eggers mention a) they were publishing the book and b) it was going to be reasonably priced. It was on the phone or something, instant messaging, I don’t recall.

He wasn’t 100% what the book was, but he knows that I love Vollmann’s work (I haven’t yet read every word, but will eventually), and I filled in some of the details. This was in late November – I figured that meant the book was years away, given the intricacies of getting a project of this scope out the door.

Now, reading the McSweeney’s Oral History I am consumed with jealousy and overtaken with fantasies of moving to SF to camp out on the Valencia project floor: I would LOVE to edit Bill’s work, and to edit the personal obsession that he may think is his most important work – and which I believe stems from a very personal part of him – well, my God, Eli – that’s Eli Horowitz, on the assumption my Googlejuice will draw you, you lucky man – I’m green with envy and giddy with joy for you, for me, for Bill, for us.

Posted on by mwhybark

ah… oops

Sorry! I unplugged my DSL router as I left for jury duty today.

The King County Courthouse heating system was out, and the outdoor temperature is in the twenties. I’m still cold.

I was impaneled and dismissed on a burglary case. One down, one to go, unless they keep me.

Posted on by mwhybark

DVDs and jury duty

There’s some interesting news afoot I haven’t been able to tackle today, having spent it finishing the DVD authoring on a project I initiated in September (my test burn is being prepped right this second – cross your fingers for me). I expect to develop it tomorrow, however, although I will be embarking, in theory, on a new experience tomorrow at 8 am – jury duty!

As I examined my papers I realized I hadn’t read them closely and that I was actually required to send a part of them back promptly upon receipt, which I did not do. This makes me uneasy, as not carefully reading missives from the court system can easily result in an unwanted familiarity with the inside of a jail cell.

I can’t imagine that a responsible prosecutor would ever let me sit on a jury, though, so I don’t expect to be there long. Mind you, I think it would be interesting and I certainly don’t regard the opportunity as a hassle or interruption of other, more important things – I simply doubt that my beliefs make me welcome in a courtroom.

I thought about going out of my way to become even more unwelcome, but have deferred the research. Maybe later. My goal is not to be dismissed, it’s to be honest and participate responsibly. I’m quite sure my definition of responsibility is idiosyncratic, however.

I think the nub of the matter for me is my skepticism concerning how seriously I should take the idea of testimony under oath – I just can’t imagine that it matters, at all, and it seems likely to me that every person one might observe giving testimony is whole heartedly lying in order to meet their own personal or professional goals. The idea applies equally to evidence, frankly; and so I’m left with an enjoyable pickle of epistemology: how can we find the truth? Is there such a thing?

If I’m not dismissed I look forward to thinking about these things seriously again, and since statistically it’s most likely that I’ll get assigned to some minor and relatively fast-moving event, I don’t expect to resolve the challenges. But I welcome the opportunity to consider these questions.