Seattle man finds it’s his lucky day

SEATTLE, December 13, 2002 – Embittered, alienated cynic Mike Whybark opened his email today to find a note from another Michael, one Michael Griffin of the Fort Worth area. Mr. Griffin, also known as “tater-haid,” informed Mr. Whybark that he had mysteriously qualified to receive a commemorative promotional lunchbox featuring the design work of Mr. Griffin and the branding of Mr. Griffin’s vanity web site, or “blog”, known as “ultramicroscopic.”

Mr. Whybark’s qualification for the prize? He’d left the one-thousandth comment on the other man’s site. The comment? After an interregnum in which Mr. Griffin had not added new material to his site for a few days, the proprietor asked “What’d I miss?”

Mr. Whybark noted in reply, “Halle Berry was widely celebrated in the media.”

The promotional product is reproduced below.

Somewhat later in the day, Mr. Whybark ventured into the palatial lobby of his apartment building to retrieve his mail, a mysterious box was noted, with a Seattle return address, and yet also credited as emanating from Maakies.com, the website of the prodigiously talented Tony Millionaire, and his hilarious, totally merciless alt-weekly comic, Maakies.

Mr. Whybark has reviewed both of Mr. Millionaire’s books favorably in the pages of Cinescape, but it’s unusual to receive a review copy without having some correspondence with a publicist or creator first. The box, however was about six inches square, not a book-like size.

Upon opening it, a six-inch Drinky Crow collectors’ figure was revealed, with no note or explanation. The vinyl figure comes with interchangeable eyes and a jug helpfully marked XXX. The jug may be fitted to the corvid’s mouth.

Credit has not yet been taken for the delivery of this item.