So, this year, This American Life has run a fascinating show recorded largely in occupied Iraq, titled I’m From the Private Sector, and I’m Here to Help.

As I type this, I just now realize that the title is a snark aimed at the hilarious – and offensive, to me – ad that ran back in the Clinton era in which a litte old lady cowers in her apartment, peering through her peephole at a menacing horde of MIBs, there to reform her health care. The ad’s tagline, “We’re from the government, and we’re here to help!” is a masterpiece of American conservative propaganda. Why has it taken me so lingh to recognize this little joke?

Well, largely because the original show is not particularly expressive of a political viewpoint – it’s a personal show, about the lives of civilian contractors in Iraq. The strongest opinion expressed in the show comes partway through the second segment, when the young-sounding female reporter, Nancy, is following around a guy named Hank. Hank is trying to impose order on the chaotic operations of a security firm named Custer Battles (after the names of its’ founders).

Hank (who speaks in a flat, authoritative military twang) explains to the reporter how he is trying to train his male Iraqi employees to stop holding hands in public, which clearly really bothers him. His voice thickens as he describes the despicable act. Nancy (whom the listener imagines to be a birdlike recent graduate of the University of Chicago weighing 98 pounds and standing four feet, seven inches) flies off the handle, exclaiming, “Jesus Christ! Leave ’em alone! What’s wrong with you?”

She browbeats the surprised Hank in mid-sentence, emphatically exclaiming “No, I don’t think it’s wrong!” Hanks is utterly taken aback; clearly he’s never considered that there might be a possibility that a) male hand-holding is not a terrible crime against nature and b) someone of his own culture might be as offended by his attempts to correct the beknighted ways of the Iraqis as he is by those beknighted ways.

It sums up our current political condition; hell, it can practically substitute for the election.

The company the piece is about is described as having a poor track record in Iraq, including a memorable incident in which employees of the company engaged in a shootout with one another in front of an Iraqi hotel.

Why do I mention this today? The first news I heard on the radio this morning concerned Custer Battles, which is accused of engaging in a pattern of fraudulent billing practices. Those who know me will be unsurprised to hear that I found this to be incredibly funny. I literally cannot stop chuckling about it.

I wonder who owns the movie rights?

One thought on “Custard Bottles

  1. “I’m from the government and I’m here to help” is way older than the Clinton years. Although that ad (which I vaguely remember) certainly employed the punchline to good effect.

Comments are now closed.