OK, the second dentist in two years is telling me I have Oscar-quality gingivitis, which results in the scurvy-like loss of teeth due to bone loss.

The first place suggested using a flouride rinse, but the new place stressed the importance of punishing, De-Sade-esque flossing and the patience of Job, in order to actually wait out the interminable 30-seconds-per-quad that the horrible instrument of entrapment known as a Sonicare requires.

The upshot of all this is incredible gum pain shortly after dinner, and consequent crankiness and pain-related personality deformations. Too much gum, indeed.