In a startling development to the evergreen “Who was Deep Throat” mystery, veteran blogger and beloved trencherman Ken Goldstein, of Jersey City, New Jersey, admitted to this writer in a personal email that he was in fact Deep Throat, the secret inside source that catapulted cub reporters Bob Woodward and Robert Redford to national prominence in the mid-seventies Hal Holbrook vehicle, “All the President’s Men”.
“Okay! Enough already! It was me, I admit it, ME! GOD, it feels good to get that off my chest!” typed the possibly intoxicated 30-year-old copywriter and technical writer in an email exchange concerning the various candidates-du-saison that are currently being flacked in such moneygrubbing endeavors as the University of Illinois three-year journalism class project which fingered Pat Buchanan, or John Dean’s latest impeccably objective investigation in to the who, what, where, when, and why of Watergate.
The perpetually 30-year-old blogger, seen here in an undated file photo on Nixon’s epochal China visit, refused to comment upon speculations that his agelessness is the result of either bathing in the blood of virgins or his preference for Air Jordans on the court.
A random youth, accosted in the street near my apartment, characterized “All the President’s Men” as “boring” and wanted to know why the character of the President had not at least pursued personal sexual gratification instead of shredding the constitution in the name of national security. He then speculated on what sort of “action” President Bush might be “getting”, assuring me that he had great faith in the current President’s ability to learn from his predecessors.
It is of interest to note that fellatio, in name or in deed, appears to have had a profound effect on the course of late 20th-century United States Presidental politics.
Mr. Throat could not be reached for comment.