To: Britney Alexander, Acquisitions, BTVP
From: Mike Whybark
RE: Kensapoppin’
Dear Britney:
Thank you for your recent missive concerning your forthcoming effort, “Kenny, Big & Tall.” While we understand your disappointment at the MOW status for the project (quite a step down from the two-part, twelve-hour HBO MS we were discussing in Vegas), the projected demography for the piece makes it a nice fit with UPN, and heartily wish you the success that all of us in the entertainment industry associate with the top-quality products associated with everyone’s favorite netlet.
Furthermore, we extend our congratulations and condolences on your recent marriage and annulment. What with the deal memos coming so thick and fast this New Year in Las Vegas, we can easily understand that you anticipated casting your ex-husband in the role of Mr. Goldstein, an idea which, we must note, was expressed to you in an informal casting guidance note prior to the temporary alteration in your relationship to Mr. Alexander.
What a shock and disappointment it must have been to you when it became apparent that the Mr. Alexander of your childhood acquaintance, while Tall and we can only presume, commensurate with his status as a gridiron expert, Big, is neither the former star of Seinfeld and The Producers nor a Tony Award winning Broadway performer. We extend our deepest, most heartfelt sympathies, which only intensified when we learned of the contractual obligation between Bigshot Television and Mr. Alexander regarding “Kenny, Big & Tall.”
In spite of our sympathies, however, we have grave concerns about the employment of the Ken Goldstein brand in conjunction with Mr. Alexander, especially in the context of the scripts we’ve seen for “Kenny, Big & Tall.” While, as noted, we have only the best wishes for your production, we must insist that any attempt to represent “Kenny, Big & Tall” as an endorsed endeavor, or to incorporate the name or likeness of Ken Goldstein or The Illuminated Donkey or The Ken Goldstein Project into the shooting script, marketing materials, story line, resultant publicity, ancillary promotional products, keychains, tee-shirts, coffee mugs, children’s plush sculpted backpacks, bobbleheads, chewing gum, potato chips or other fast-food ad snack packaging, museum exhibitions, commemorative magazine releases, DVD packaging or on-disc trailers, automotive limited editions, commemorative ceramic plates, wristwatches, production prospectus materials or any other materials unspecified in this informal letter will be met by immediate and forceful legal action. We will demonstrate our exclusive rights to the aforementioned brands and materials and our dependent interest in assuring that we maintain creative and approval control over any media appearances or derivational properties.
To that end, please relay an updated shooting script that effaces the infringing materials as soon as is convenient and please include a cover letter that enumerates any promotional communications or production materials embargoed by our request. It is not our intent to impede your production in any way, and trust that in order to meet your deadlines you will comply with all due promptness.
Best,
Mike Whybark
The Ken Goldstein Project
cc: KG, JD, ES, VP, MG, JA, GD
TO: Messrs Whybark & Goldstein
FROM: Yassir Shizmehbebe
Department of Legal Affairs
RE: KJG Projects in dispute
We here at BTVP Legal are quite tied up with Ms. Alexander’s various recent issues, so I’ll be brief.
We possess many notarized documents, signed in maraschino cherry juice by Mr. Goldstein, dated various hours over the course of 12/31/03 & 1/1/04, Las Vegas Nevada, granting Ms. Alexander full rights to his name, image, and any body parts she might find use for.
If you wish to challenge the validity of these documents, as Mr. Goldstein was clearly under the influence at the time, our staff will await the filing of the appropriate papers.
Please note, we are also in possession of some unfortunate sketches, drawn by Mr. Goldstein on Mandalay Bay cocktail napkins, that diagram his intent for Ms. Alexander and delineate which vital organs he is willing to part with. He also signs confessions admitting to various unsolved petty crimes in the states of Washington, New Jersey, New York, California & Nevada.
I’m sure you’re loathe to allow these into the wrong hands, as are we.
Thank you for your time.
YS/es
To: Mr. Yassir Shizmehbebe, BTVP Legal, et al
From: Guy Sterling IV, EVP Licensing, Disassociated Donk Productions
Re: Ongoing Projects
Attached: Deal Memo 010704d
Mr. Shizmehbebe:
Once again I would like to extend my sincere thanks to you for your willingness to meet with our team in Las Vegas under such short notice, and hope that the Bellagio luxury suite filled with champagne, hookers and blow served as some small compensation for said inconvenience.
To summarize and expand upon the discussion which took place early on January 2 in the Club Paradise:
1) Nevada law clearly states that in the case of an annulled marriage, any agreements made by or to the married party will cease to be legally binding at the same time that the marriage itself ceases to be legally binding. No marriage, no Britney Alexander, no agreement. In addition, I do not feel it would be in either of our best interests at this point to debate the validity of an agreement signed in ketchup on a tequila-soaked cocktail napkin.
2) That being said, we would certainly like to take this discussion to “the next level,” namely the level in which we determine the best way to bring “Project K” to fruition.
Now, as we mentioned, the licensing agreement that was discussed at our Los Angeles brunch with Mr. Whybark, which he referred to as an “ironclad, unbreakable, airtight, ain’t-gettin’-outta-THIS-one agreement” appears to have at least one sizable loophole. While it is true that Mr. Whybark and his consortium The Ken Goldstein Project own a 51% share of all licensing and production rights related to the Project itself and its premier subsidiary, “Kensapoppin,” it is also true that the contract legally binding Mr. Goldstein himself to the KGP expired as of December 31, 2003, leaving Mr. Goldstein free to pursue other options, if desired (though it would also leave Mr. Whybark et al free to continue his projects with a different lead actor and driving creative force).
We are happy to report that Mr. Goldstein has indeed decided to pursue said options, and are extremely happy to give your organization the first opportunity to begin negotiating for the rights to “Project K” (see attached Deal Memo).
Mr. Shizmehbebe, we offer for your review: Ken’s Misbehavin’.
We eagerly await your response.
GS4
Cc: KG, ES, VP, MG, PM, MW, JA, GD
Mr Whybark:
Thank you for your interest, at this time, we plan to direct all further correspondence through our contact at IllDonk Industries. We ask that you do the same.
Sincerely,
BTVP Legal
es