Pinochet

Gen. Augusto Pinochet, dead at 91.

My family and I lived in in Viña del Mar, Chile during the year 1969, and many of my earliest memories are set in our house and nearby. I recall playing outside in the wintry June air and various details of life in Chile in those days, details that reveal much about Chile’s heritage, distinct from the rest of Latin America due to British economic support from the country’s earliest days. France also played an important role in the country’s self-definition, and I well recall French-style blue-and-white enamelware street signs in the neighborhood around my preschool.

My father has related stories of the radicalized environment in which he taught business at a Chilean university that year. He was repeatedly hassled by activist students whose principal strategy was to disrupt his classes but shouting or otherwise making discourse impossible. He relates his attempts to reach out and communicate with these folks, concluding with regret that he was never able to make a personal connection.

A couple of my most important early memories take place in Chile. In one, during the lead-in to the American moon landing, a fancy department store in the center of the large town we lived near to (Valparaiso, I beleive) mounted an elaborate series of window displays depicting fanciful interpretations of the moon landing at 1/3 scale. I was so deeply fascinated by the displays that I insisted on requesting one of the 3-foot-tall cardboard-and-styrofoam silver-spraypainted astronauts. This artifact remained with me until I was about 16 or 17 years of age.

Directly related to this, what I long considered to be my very first memory took place in Chile. In July, 1969, the first moon landing was broadcast worldwide. My parents awakened me in what I recall as the middle of the night, and we watched the events on our portable 12-inch black-and-white Sylvania television, a TV I took with me when I left home and was very sad to lose when it quit working sometime in the mid eighties.

When the coup occurred in 1973, it was in the wake of the extraordinarily divisive 1972 Presidential election which eventually spawned Watergate. I was stunned and disturbed that an election could be undone by military action, and as it became clear that the US had lent direct support to the coup, my first-grade sense of justice was deeply disturbed. In subsequent months, as Watergate unfolded, my trust in the world – not just the world of adults, but the world itself, the whole idea of life – was more-or-less destroyed, and since then, I have lived with a world view that mistrusts expressions of absolute ethicality or actions taken based upon the concept of rights.

As subsequent events in Chile came to light, I became more and more disturbed. The introduction of torture and extra-judicial killings to the apparatus of government were apparent to me by the time I was in third grade, and I quickly learned how inadvisable it is to point out how deeply the US has been involved in the tactical and strategic re-introduction of such practices in the service of the quest for global dominance.

Augusto Pinochet, with the collusion of my native country, chose to strip a certain innocence away from my toddler self, despite my fortunate position nestled deep in the heart if the international middle class.

Initially, I let loose with some profane sentiments regarding the decedent as I wrote this. I chose Pinochet as the symbol of a sense of personal betrayal, and certainly his actions merit censure and punishment. But he’s dead. So instead may I offer my condolences, albeit very angry ones, and my sincere wishes that the general shall rest in peace.

Rotten

The other day on the commute I was stuck in traffic behind a minivan whose vanity plate was a near vowel-less transcription of the name “JOHNNY ROTTEN.” The van appeared to be driven by a prosperous fellow in early middle age sporting a closed-back Yankees cap. I tried to take a picture, but cell phone cameras remain a fur piece fum plumb. Haw!

Old Soldiers' Home

Many years ago, at least twice and possibly more, my parents took my sister and me to visit with the aged residents of what was then the Indiana State Soldiers’ Home and which today is known as the Indiana Veterans’ Home. The building seen in the first link is the one I recall. We sat on the expansive porch and visited, in our five-or-six-year-old-way with some elderly men. I recall one by vision, a very elderly man who could well have been a veteran of an 19th-century war, his white hair thin and I think his dentures out, swaddled in a lap blanket.

I recall the porch generously overlooking the frequently-flooding Wabash through the boughs of overhanging trees, willows and the like. The historical archive site notes that the Home was located off Riverside Road, so it seems likely that’s true. Google Maps clearly shows the Wabash running by the foot of the Home, so my thirty-four-year-old brain chemistry appears to be intact.

Anyway, this is one of the many experiences my parents provided to me that I am deeply grateful for. I wish that this had been an annual tradition instead of a one-or-two year detour. My family has absolutely no tradition of military service, but for what appears to be an entire generation lost (and lost to memory) during the Civil War in Missouri. I do think that my own profound suspicion of war and interest in and even reverence of service must reflect my family’s heritage. I may be a bright man, but I am neither an original thinker nor a genius. War is bad; service is not. I have never shied from expressing my concerns to friends who enlist; I have never shied from expressing my support and concern for those in I know in combat zones and on this day I regularly think of them as well as that old man, and the young men he left behind or killed on the fields of Cuba, the Philippines, France, Germany, Korea, Southeast Asia, Central America, and Iraq.

Rarely to do I concur with the judgments of the callous and evil men who send you to do their will and I honor and respect them not at all, even when I concur with their judgments. I honor and respect your service and I always will.

Quotes

I’m quite happy with the unexpected Battlestar Galactica. Jutst moments ago, a scene played whcih quoted, in order, “Alien,” the Butthole Surfers song “Cherub,” and the Kubrick/Clarke fillum “2001.” These nods, however, do not constitute the basis oof my interest, but as the dramatic equivalent of an amusing storefront sin on the Simpsons.

“I see bodies.”

Boo!

By far most people I know are in direct contact with their sense of family heritage, of when relative X came here from country Y, and seem to benefit from this knowledge. In my family, this idea was long gone by the time I was adopted, and although the work of others has uncovered the obvious, (given the cuckoo clocks and dachsunds of my father’s childhood), familial connection to that identity has been sundered.

As an adopted person, my sense of why I am as I am is further alienated. I exhibit numerous behaviors and preferences that are not present in my immediate tree of heritables. Forgetfulness, for example, is not known among my father’s family nor my mother’s. Yet I have clean forgot my reason for writing this blog entry.

uhhh

More than one person has expressed concern about my state of mind recently as a consequence of a recent blog entry. Allow me to clarify that while I’m saddened by the prospects of my friend, I don’t feel out of sorts.

Staring at the ceiling

I have a friend, a good and kind man who runs to the nebbish, facing some extremity. He’s on the verge of real homelessness, skating on the edge of no more couches and spiraling debt – not of the credit-card variety, but of the unpaid rent-and-utility-covered by-friends variety.

He’s got a substance problem, which he at least is aware of, and informing that are self-esteem and motivation issues. I have been busy-bodying myself with him for a few months and while he’s in better spirits now than when I first became concerned, he’s in lo lesser jeopardy. His dad lives nearby and I have strongly and repeatedly suggested he take up these issues with his parent but he’s reluctant to, for a variety of reasons, some good, some not. I’m reasonably certain that in efforts to please me and to maintain self-image, he’s lied to me about his substance problem on more than one occasion.

I’m not hurt by the lies – I expected them, they come with the territory – but of course, it makes it that much harder to guage what sort of assistance one can effectively provide.

I was concerned that I would reach the lie-awake-at-night stage if I stepped up, and so it seems I have. I could make a truthful joke about how much more a good night’s sleep is worth to me than a pal’s future, but I’ll refrain and damn myself instead. I truly can’t help, I think; he has to take the first actions himself. All I can do is point out the places that persons actively concerned with self-preservation might choose to step, the places I step every day.

Each time my foot falls on one of these solid outcrops in the rushing stream I note it, and hate it. I’m unsure why I’m reaching out to my friend. He seems to actively desire the world, for all of his uncertain and self-wounding interaction with it. I basically loathe the place and fervently wish I’d never seen it. Since I’m here I’m obligated to fulfill my duties, which involve living as long as possible, apparently consuming far more of the planet’s gross production than I actually need or want, and working to accomplish what I can in the service of goals developed by others in my social network. That last duty is really the only one that I find vaguely satisfying, and probably underlies my efforts in the service of my troubled friend. He’s expressed shock and disbelief when I’ve tried to communicate the depth of my misanthropy to him, in an effort to explain why I’m bothering to try to offer a hand to brake his slide.

I guess I can understand that.

Hoboken

Of late, I have been having some real doozies among the annals of dreams. I am considering just dreamblogging, as what happens with my eyes shut is clearly of greater interest than that which occupies my days:

In a multilevel ramshackle building, possibly the former barn of an early twentieth-century factory-farming concern, a number of commercial concerns are ensconced, including a down-home Americana reinterpretation of a Swiss eatery, serving Swiss food with reasonable acuity and a pleasant “howdy, y’all” sensibility. In the extensive, cluttered checkout cowchute, i am pleased to note numerous items of genuine Swiss provenance such as generally-unavailable models of Victorinox knife and Suchard chocolate powder. To my disapproval and frustration, there is no irradiated milk available. In revenge, i steal a jackknife, and make my way to a higher floor, where a family, long friends of mine, has a rummage shop.

The family patriarch, ailing, has withered to a shadow of his former self, a wizened figure with enormous parchment skull atop the body of what might be taken for that of a starving infant. As i converse with one of the ancient’s offspring, I am handed the feather-light mortal vessel, whereupon I am left alone with the elderly being. Naturally, the living skeleton ceases to be living moments later,and as I hold the corpse, the feather-light flesh and bones begin to flake away in my hands as I seek a resting site for the fragile remnant.

In so doing, I find a cigar box containing items I had attempted to husband through my life from earliest childhood, including such objects as a faux piece-of-eight obtained in the early seventies while visiting Florida, the mummified remains of a crab plucked from the beach at Mazatlan, a tooth lost at age eight, and the like. The box had gone missing (in my dream) while in the care of the family whose deceased progenitor I now held.

Upset, but of an inclination to let bygones be bygones, I finally locate my acquaintance and attempt to deliver my burden to him, whereupon the dessicated corpse crumbles into fine, very thin flakes. I catch the skull as it descends. As it crumbles in my hand I am left holding only the upper portion, roughly from the eye-sockets’ midpoint up. Turning the delicate cup over, I note the floral profusion of complex, papery bone membranes we each carry in our sinuses. I hand the remnant to my acquaintance.

He thanks me with exaggerated gravity and takes a voracious, satisfied bite out of the fragment of bone. Crunching through the clean-breaking material, more delicate than eggshell, he then insists that I must join him. Together we crunch our way through the remains of his father, as tasty as potato chips or fried chicken.

Then I woke up.

More recently, Jon Stewart chauffeured me and my wife amusingly about Hoboken while deferring my repeated blandishments concerning the importance of appearing as a guest on The Daily Show. Apparently, we’re old school chums or something. I just hope he never hears about the grandpa-eating thing.

Bocce!

After an intensive round of googlizing and calling local retailers, I was able to locate a bocce set for sale today, and thus will spend this evening cooking and eating hot dogs, apple pie, and root beer floats to the soothing accompaniment of the klonk of lawn bowls. I was briefly introduced to this sport one blazing September afternoon over ten years ago in Bloomington, Indiana, at the pre-New orleans home of Bart and XY.

And may I say how am excited to see my old pal Kenneth Goldstein this week for an evening? Very well then: very. Sometimes the right friend just finds you.