“MACHIAS — A squirrel with half a tail and no left hind foot is back with his caretakers after 10 days on the lam.
Stumpy the squirrel was found six miles from the residence of Steve and Marcia Carter, 52 and 51, who fought back tears when he was returned.”
“When they arrived, Steve Carter lifted the plywood and Stumpy leaped onto his shoulder and uncorked a succession of squeaky barks, seemingly well-nourished and none the worse for wear except for a scratch on his shoulder and five ticks.”
“The deformed squirrel took to walking on a rope leash, playing in the Carters’ front yard, sleeping at night in a cage in their house and riding on the dashboard of Steve Carter’s truck when he made his rounds as a contractor.”
Now this is the kind of quality news America needs in these troubled times. It’s got everthing: pet rodents, a deformed, plucky hero samed Stumpy who’s both cute and repellent (since he is a rodent), touching family values, and a burly he-man who nearly weeps with joy when reunited with the missing loved one. Yeah!